Jan 5, 2022
A Blessing From Maharaj to Me
Two years ago, Jan 14, 2020, I was blessed by Swamiji Yogaswarupananda
of the Divine Life Society in Rishikesh, India. His blessing for me was
to "go beyond the mind". He also said "They will help you."
Swamiji has 5 millenia of wisdom behind him.
But I'm so deeply sure of the physics of the material world, including
how thoughts arise from the material brain. The physical view of the
material world, for me, can contradict the literal Vedantic, spiritual
view of the world.
When I was a 9 years old, my sanctified teacher, Sister Mary Francis Inez
asked me if I wanted to be baptized as a Catholic. I said no, and Sister
Inez never loved me any less. Still today, I really don't believe
literally many of the biblical stories of Jesus. I'm inclined to too
much thinking I guess.
Two years ago, I asked Swamiji about the mind. Since then, I've
not seen, nor really felt, a place to go with this ... only gratitude
for Swamiji's wisdom and blessing which makes me have faith and keeps
me sane. As I look forward to another year, I intend to get to this
Dec 25, 2021
Meditating with Lisp Programming - Can't Get Enough
As another year closes, I'm reflecting back on a pretty good year for me.
I've been studying a programming language called Common Lisp. The history
of this language is like a fairy tale. Aesthetically, it's an ugly ducking,
but as a practically programming language, it beats the hell out of all
the rest to me. SBCL is turning into a swan. For years, I've been
following the SBCL development blog on Github. The SBCL team has been
as productive as any programming team I've ever watched before.
Over the years there's a lot of little tricks I've learned to help me
notice what disturbs me. I don't have a regime of fasting or meditation
anymore. But in the beginning years ago, I learned from the meditation
gurus how to notice what really disturbs the peace in your mind that you
feel. If you're really happy or content, then the "surface" of your
mind should be smooth and still like the water surface without any
waves. Like the VOID.
I think it was a good year for me, because I've stayed away from the
general chaos in the public news. Instead, I've concentrated on reading
programming blogs which has some incredible people communicating in
a social as well as technical setting. Yeh, I've sort of ran away from
what some people think would be social responsibility. But nobody takes
me down more than those people who want to push their own agenda on other
people. Who needs that; not me!
There was person called Ram Dass. He was a Hindu. His personality
was innately very gregarious and warm. At the end of his life's journey,
he spoke about meditation and using a mantra to help focus his mind.
His mantra was "I am loving awareness". He was so wise.
Nov 1, 2021
Crystal Blue Persuasion
It's 3 am. I just woke up from a mythic kind of dream in which
I had a central role in a Herman Hesse kind of tale called the
Glass Bead Game. Hesse was a genius who I relate with Karl Jung
because of his novels are mythological.
In Hesse's Glass Bead Game, the master of the game dies at the
end of the novel. No one is there to continue his quest. This
is the greatness of Hesse. Hesse lived through so much in his
life only to tell us that there is no absolute answer to life one can
give to another.
From mythology, I read somewhere that when the angels in heaven
revolted against god, it was one-third or 33 per-cent of them.
Most people would not have thought the number would be that high;
that one-third of the angels would be casted into hell. Sad to say,
a large percentage of people are not wise.
So it comes down to this. I try not to think about what's
going on with politics in America today. It's horrible. But
my mind is playing things out subconsciously. I say consciously,
that I can't understand what's happening, but it's obvious.
Our country is spiraling out of control now.
I don't ever trust a politician who says he's going to give us
something for nothing. You shouldn't either. The politician I
is admire is one who says "you" got to do it by yourselves.
The great politicians were some of our founding fathers like
John Adams and Thomas Jefferson. John Kennedy was like that.
The current American politicians don't understand the sanctity
of the individual because they don't see it in themselves.
August 31, 2021
It's Been a Good Summer
Right now, society is anarchic. So I've isolated myself escaping
the madness of US politics. I'm happier away from the insanity on
the news, but am a little apprehensive about the inevitable problems
coming our way.
About a year ago, in my July 19, 2020 log, I wrote a note on
Shiva Nataraja, "The Lord of the Cosmic Dance". The passage of
time since then seems to have distilled in me a renew desire
to fully emerge myself in that mystical place of mediation.
My desire is to dance with the Lord of the Cosmic Dance, but
explain why in a clear and simple manner in the future.
I remember the gift of knowledge given to me by my teacher Satosi.
So much of his thoughts as well as the people he wrote about are
in me. This is what I have now; the essence of what I write about,
reflects in my mind, the images of Satosi, Ilya, Henri-Louis and the
other individuals who studied this subject in this manner. I hope
I can raise my level of explaining all of this in the future.
August 30, 2021
Being To Becoming
I just read Ilya Progogine's book "Being To Becoming" again
trying to resolve some questions I have on the ergodic description
of state variables. On page 208 he states the following.
One might think that such " natural limits" of classical
or quantum physics would lead to a decrease of their
predictive power. In my opinion, the reverse is true.
Ilya says this because of his invention of associating macroscopic
entropy with microscopic entropy; a "reduction" of ergodic theory.
(I still don't understand this book.) But when you can strip down
the contents of your theory to bare essentials miracles occur.
This is the way I feel about how the irreversibility of time in an
essemble, a set of elements in a statistical system, reduces complexity.
It's a miracle.
August 29, 2021
Movement and Description
Speaking Out on a Limb on a Lazy Sunday
As a natural physical requirement, the origin of the brain was
necessary for a creature to become mobile. Our brain is the
result of a necessity for decision making to be made in an
environment with many obstacles to navigate in. This is
especially true for predators hunting food.
Although plants have a marvelous capacity to detect various stimuli
from energy and chemicals they do not have a central brain because
plants are stationary. Much of the anatomy of our human brain
is devoted to navigation and predation such as our eyes, hears and
nose. The awareness or consciousness that arises from our brain
depends on the physical requirement to navigate: detecting the
objects around us.
So in our deep pysche, we're intricately wired to our sense of motion
detection. Our brain craves sensory movement as experience with
isolation chambers have shown. I strongly feel this connection in
relation to "the" fundamental role physical energy plays in the natural
state of the world - a world of movement which can also lexically be
equated with transformation. And maybe, in passing, this is the
transformation in which David Bohm called "undivided wholeness in
In the past, I had intuitively thought that there could be a language
of movement which was embedded in a kind of ergodic or chaotic functional
description. Now, I no longer think it's worth while trying to come
up with such a functional description because this kind of function,
or multiple functions, will be subsumed in a larger function related
to, (in the Kali model), an intention. Now, I think that in order to
simulate what humans do I would be better off building a little model
of the human. It seems like this is what is happening in industry today
which is teaching me a lesson. For example, with software you can
animate a person walking, but this animation is a trick, and has really
nothing to do with the processes going on inside of an actual person
Paradoxically, I remember encountering problems of this nature years ago
when I first started in this field. For a couple of months in the
early 1980's, I got to actually work on a project run by Doug Lenat
using the Xerox Parc's lisp machine running InterLisp-D. But over time,
we've seen that these models of human description have limitations.
In essence, building software to model a human description is not equal
to building the human model.
Truthly, I can only smile in wonderment at how Nature built the human
On Jan 8, 2021 Dominion issued a law suit against Sidney Powell.
In the weeks ahead, I hope this law suit gets accurate press
coverage. Then we'll get closer to the truth. I don't think
you can hide anything in computer code because it executes exactly
what it's programmed to do. It should be straight forward to
tell what happened in Dominion's voting machines if you got
Our country needs the truth of what happened in the 2020 presidental
election. The law suit is important enough to make it to the supreme
court. We need the truth.
Jan 12, 2021
The Virtue of Intelligence and Freedom
In the early 1970's I worked on communications software
on PDP-11 realtime systems written in macro-11, a language
just above assembler. C was not in public use. The great
Internet Protocal, 802.3, developed by Vince Cerf, would become
formalized a decade later. However, it was during this time,
that the spirit of freedom which produced the Internet was
essentially instilled into the World Wide Web by its developers.
One person who stands out to me is Jonathan Postel because it
was his dream to make the Internet "free". As I had lived through
the experience of seeing the development of the web, the one
recurring thought which comes to me is not the impressive
technological development of the Internet, but how conscientiously
the development team at USC/ISI embued a spirit of freedom
into the growth of the Internet. I remember vaguely imagery
that the Internet should be free like wildlife roaming
the plains of Africa which I attribute to Jon Postel and
The Internet was developed by gentle people. It was magical
Jan 11, 2021
What's Going On
I can't believe we've come to this point. The president is
so disrespected. The leader of the US is supposed to be
given a little more respect.
When I saw was what president Obama was doing to our Consititional
rights, I still didn't speak openly against Obama even if he, in my
opinion, was purely disgusting. Most people respected the office
of the presidency. It's not like that now. It's a cancer that's
The days ahead are too painful to imagine. And now we've walked into
unknown waters. The very essence of our human existence, second to
second, is freedom. You don't have to be that smart to know when
people are taking your freedom. You don't have to know every detail
about evil. As for me, I hope I can live up to our father's ideals.
Looks like a fight is coming.
Nov 23, 2020
Giving Thanks to Mythic Heros and Heroines
There's light shining through the dark forces. "Thank God"
for Sydney Powell. She's eternal. As bad as it seems,
there's a miracle occurring now because courages people
are battling the dark forces. Just so, so amazing.
Martin Armstrong, "the forecaster", is a person I admire.
downloaded from youtube,
contains his views on what's happening now.
DC Rally (National Anthem), November 14, 2020
Nov 16, 2020
Our Father's America
My father served in the US Army during WW-2. He was the first
person in my life who gave me his trust. The march in DC on
the 14th was inspirational.
downloaded from Youtube, is on the crowd singing our national
Nov 4, 2020
I watched the elections returns last night on Greg Hunter's
very enthusastic broadcast. Went to sleep thinking Donald
Trump pulled it out. When I awoke up to see that the election
was still not determined I started to feel "am I still dreaming?"
I guess we've just got to be patient even though it's really hard;
there's so many challenges we have already faced, and so many
Revised Nov 4, 2020
Nov 2, 2020
The Mythology of The White Horse Prophecy
On the eve of the 2020 presidential election, I know some
of us, including some of those in government, sense a nightmare
senario in our future ... the destruction of our US Constitution.
Those of us who took the oath to defend the US Constitution might
realize the peril that our country is in.
I feel this prophecy is now taking form starting with the chaotic
manner in which this presidential election is being held. There
seems to be no strict controls on maintaining the integrity of
counting ballots. "Vote early and vote often." How can our democracy
exist? It can't.
How did it end up this way? You really can't blame the corona-virus.
A virus cannot directly influence the elections, just as you should
not blame any foreign country trying to influence your vote. In my
opinion we've only ourselves to blame. Our president repeatly tried
to remind us to not to fear this disease. We cannot fear the future.
We need to use our intellect to challenge the events in the future.
The only solutions to our problems will come from rational thinking,
The White Horse prophecy has become American mythology which evoked an
apocalyptic vision of our society over 100 years ago. It's just
a story. Yet, like most mythology, it's optimistic and heroic.
Nov 1, 2020
Oil still determines a major part of competitive US foreign policy.
Iran and Russia have major oil reserves. Hence the negative propaganda
against these countries. China's alliance with Iran on oil imports
further increases China/US tensions.
In my opinion, much of the problems the average US citizen will face
in the future will be due fundamentally to the reduction of the oil
reserves throughout the world. As sure as day turns into night, the
US intelligence agencies will continue to factor these tectonic riffs
in the economic landscape into the US foreign policy to the
detriment of America. In the future, I hope this US foreign policy
will start to be reconsidered in favor of a more realistic domestic
policy heavily dependent on both a combination of advanced technology,
and distributed local networks for growing and transporting food to
lessen America's consumption of energy.
The US government can help its citizens prosper by starting large
projects to rebuild America's agricultural and transportation
systems. We should fund the department of agriculture, transportation
and energy. Our leaders should start to increase contract personnel
in these others sectors of our government like it's done in the military.
Military contractors and other heavy industrial companies should get
productive work. Funding for innovations in the efficient and
environmentally safe extraction of oil should also increase. Protection
of the environment should never be depreciated as it affects the
happiness we derive from our surroundings directly.
Donald Trump's "Make America Great Again" drive focuses on turning
basic US economic production inwards back into our own country.
This kind of paradigm is more harmonious with growing the US
Two people who have admirably addressed the problem of oil and
US foreign policy have been James Kunstler and the late Chalmers
Oct 28, 2020
The Circle Game
"The guy can sure take a punch." James Kunstler on Donald Trump.
I voted for Donald Trump by mail-in ballot. There's alot I
admire about him, but I'm thinking there's work for me on
telling people the wars our military is fighting must stop.
There's also global warming issues I've got to help with.
Our government's deeply corrupt. The administrators of the
Obama presidency were archons. I saw it first hand starting
in the Bill Clinton presidency. Managers seldom did anything
for the US citizenry unless it directly benefitted their own
interest in some form. This is true about all of us in some way.
So it makes the people who do right evermore special.
Four years ago, I celebrated on election night. I think we've
come a long way since then. President Trump deserves 4 more
years. He's not nearly a perfect president, but he's optimistic.
That's his strength. This time I'm not going to celebrate
on election night. I hope we've all gotten wiser. I hope
I can just smile on election night looking forward in optimism.
It's the circle game.
August 29, 2020
When I Close My Eyes
I got up at 4am. The sunrise lit the sky with fire and burned red.
The sky was light blue all day, and in the evening night sky stars
pierced through the clouds with an almost full moon beaming like
a lamp. I went to sleep after 8pm.
It's now another day: after 3am. I'm listening to Ram Narayan's
sarangi play Raag Skankara. Ram Narayan plays the sarangi to pray.
Now, when I close my eyes, the river Ganges flows through my veins.
August 26, 2020
Whoever will be born must destroy a world.
-- Herman Hesse
I'm Making My Own Rebirth
I'm sure like many others, the first part of this year was a struggle.
To survive this most plainful time in a sound mental state, I've mostly
stopped thinking about society - no more wasteful meanderings
about politics or economics, but more activities in stillness.
I'm becoming solitary which is probably my natural inclination.
I'm on a boat sailing into an empty ocean feeling old and weak.
But I'll never forget to say a prayer everynight for the working
people in America who suffer. I'm wondering why.
August 25, 2020
Seems Like We're At War
Out in public now, I feel that society is broke or sick. It's
as if we're at war. What's causing this disease of soullessness
in America? The latest incidence in Kenosha. Why do I feel so sad?
Maybe the answer comes from the Hindu scriptures on the Kali Yuga.
It's part of the cycle of birth and death. Incredibly, we're
seeing the destruction of our own country from the inside. It
seems to me that it's part of the transformation that's
inevitable. The age of the Kali Yuga started when the "god of love",
Krishna, left the earth. America did not run out of oil, it ran out
We're so far down the rabbit hole, it's as dark as it can get.
July 30, 2020
The Genius of James Kunstler
James prefixes this article saying "For your reading pleasure ...".
The article is brilliantly written and it's "necessary" reading.
What a great piece of writing:
The Insane Leading the Blind.
Shiva Nataraja: wsimag.com
July 19, 2020
The Lord of the Cosmic Dance
Mediation is going to a place of stillness; a quiet place in mystical
time. I've been thinking about "this" for years, and I'm not
sure if it's completely correct. It's paradoxical. Yet, "this"
is my source of wonderment.
According to the law of Entropy, you can't go backwards in time because
the laws of matter are statistical. Causality in our world, including
probabilistic quantum mechanics, would not be possible according to the
laws of order. Furthermore, the deterministic computation of physical
processes into the future is limited by randomness. This is the
central principle of statistical mechanics, and as physical reality
is truely a limiting principle.
Time and causality which are primary concepts in our world view, and
both are extremely limiting and "essential". It's a paradox.
From this paradox, it follows that our existence in Nature is truly
miraculous because the existence of each one of us is unique. We can
never have lived in the past, nor will we ever live again in the future
as material beings. We as individuals only live once. Yet we are truly
free to make decisions to effect our own lives and the lives of all the
other beings on our planet because of the causal nature of the laws of
Nature's intricate order for me is mystical and miraculous. Being in
this state of mind is not limiting. It's paradoxically a place to start
for me, because it shuts down so many concepts I've wondered about as
a young person, and makes miraculous the concepts that remain.
The limiting constraints of the ebb and flow of time and limited
causal nature of order, like a wave, enfolds all things into only
the present instance. The cosmic dance happens only in the now,
yet like the sunrise of a thousand suns manifests the future.
Mt. Kailash, Wikipedia
July 14, 2020
When I was still a child, I remember clearly a blessed event for me -
that moment in time when I read,
"God is the immanent, not the transitive
cause of things." This line from Spinoza's Ethics was
my "mantra" since I embraced Hinduism while in college. Spinoza's spirit
himself would speak this line to me. As a child, Spinoza was perfect
for me. And when I was young I thought I understood the "nature" of God -
from that "third" kind of knowledge.
But as I got older, I started to feel that the simplicity (and purity)
of my understanding of God was not enough. No amount of meditation
on Spinoza's words could ignite my inspiration and desire to keep reading
Spinoza's Ethics. The Ethics is text written like a geometrical
description in the tradition of the ancient Greeks and Euclid.
And as I got older, I started to have doubts in Spinoza's God. For a time,
for me, the great philosopher Immanuel Kant, sort of destroyed my view of
Spinoza's faith in rational logic.
But now, as an old man, I've come full circle, feeling blessed to think
that Spinoza had a place for me in "his" heart. Spinoza's God is not
only pure abstraction, it's that place in the heart. It has taken me a
lifetime to understand this.
Jan 14, 2020
I stopped watching US news because it's too painful. The Bhagavad Gita
speaks about duty. When the US attacked Iran on Jan 3, I was shaken.
On Jan 6, I thought I'd commit myself to a call of justice and duty.
I didn't think it would be this hard. (I keep making rambling mistakes.)
But Jan 6 is a light year away now. Was I deluded on Jan 6? There can
be no call to duty if there's only chaos in US politics. Are the people
of America asleep?
I remember my 5 grade teacher Sister Mary Francis Inez getting
us to say a prayer whenever an ambulance passed by our grade school in
Saint Louis, Missouri. So I said a prayer for Iran. Why! Because I
don't like the big guy picking on the little guy.
This is one is for Iran (and our country too, I suppose).
Hail Mary, Full of Grace, the Lord is with thee.
Blessed art thou amongst women, and blessed is the
fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God,
pray for us sinners, now, and at the hour of death.
Glory be to the Father, and to the Son, and to the
Jan 9, 2020
The Dance of the Angels
artist: Fra Angelico
Since Jan 3 when general Soleimani was killed, I hardly slept. I felt
as if the satanic demons were let loose in our country. But I'm starting
to understand what happened, I think.
First, the attack on general Soleimani was ordered by our President
Trump. Only the president could have ordered this attack. Why?
Because he's got something to hide. His actions throughout the
past year shows it. He acts as if he does have something to
hide because he's constantly trying to reassure us how good he is.
He wouldn't have to do this if he had a clear conscious.
I feel lots of sympathy for our President. He suffered alot trying
to battle our corrupt government. I've worked in large bureaucracies
most of my career, and saw how lonely it can be at the top level,
especially if you're fighting the establishment.
I'm also glad Congress passed the war powers resolution. Our
Constitution intended that only Congress declare war. Pretty
smart of the founding fathers.
While walking with my dog at our local park, I saw fathers teaching
their sons to play baseball. I thought as long as there are fathers
and sons who love baseball, we're all okay. We don't need a war.
And maybe our troops can come home from the Middle East. It's about time.
Jan 6, 2020
Our Government Action in Iran is Wrong
When I heard our government killed Iran's general Soleimani, my heart
sank. First, I started thinking I'll crawl in my hole, and forget
this mess. But it's on the news.
During the second Gulf war when the US attacked Iraq in 2003, I worked
in a US intelligence center. One of the problems we thought about was
how could we minimize the threat of IEDs on our troops in Baghdad.
Of course we could find no real answer. Personally I remember thinking,
"Just get the hell out of there!" The IEDs, Improvised Explosive Devices,
I can envision what's coming next. The US military will be using
more drones to maintain control or "dominance" in strategic areas.
No need to endanger our troops. But what about the Iranians.
They're human beings. If you can't understand this, then we in
the US are really all doomed.
The Gulf war was brutal. Imagine the brutality. The Brutality.
The BRUTALITY. I love the US. But why this brutality? You've
got to be more compassionate. But that's not enough is it?
You've got to take action. I wonder what I'm going to do. I
hope I can make my fathers, my ancestors, proud. I hope I can
listen to their call.
Jan 2, 2020
2019 - A Year of Doubts
In 2019, I realized past mistakes in thinking I made years ago.
I wonder if I'm putting too much blind faith in picking certain
computer algorithms to model the neuron. How dumb is that!
I'm building software models on unsound foundations and I still
need to think things through ... that the models are too complex.
Dec 29, 2019
Beauty to a Machine
I wrote a little article on the
beauty of Zen Gardens, and how the
asethetics are related to machine interpretation. The neural nets
I've worked on can recognize static faces, but cannot recognize a man
walking as a temporal event. I still don't know of any "grammar"
to process temporal sequences for two or three dimensional objects.
I'm sure some people have rewriting rules or production systems
to do this. :-).
Dec 19, 2019
More Lisp - can't get enough!
New mxlisp-0.8i download is
The mxlisp webpage is
Sep 3, 2019
The Warming of the Pacific Ocean
I was shocked when I heard that the water temperature of the
ocean near my home was 85 F or 30 C. That's a significant
rise from the average of about 80 F. This rise in temperature
is affecting the health of ocean wild life. The temperature
of the world's ocean has been relatively constant for
a hundred of years.
I always took comfort in the thought that the oceans would
protect us from heat by absorbing termal energy. But the
oceans are warming at an alarming rate.
The great Hawaiian god of the sea, Kanaloa, comforts the psyche.
Kanaloa delivers health as well as mental peace. When I go the
sea now, I can feel the heart break and pain in Kanaloa.
The Hawaiian oceans are beautiful beyond words.
Sep 1, 2019
Climate Change in the Earth's Most Isolated Landmassd
This was a scorching summer!
Being right in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, Hawaii is the most
isolated land and population mass in the world. Yet it still faces a
serious threat to its living standard from global warming.
When our family first moved to Kahaluu on Oahu, we used a heater to
warm our house in winter. Today I use an air conditioner at night to cool
my room so I can sleep. I never imagined global warming would be so
My heart breaks for the people in India who suffer through intense
heat waves. Anybody, including our top political leaders in our
country, who ignore the serious threat of climate change to our
existence should be spend a few hours in the Indian heat. You'd
know what I mean if you travelled in southeast asian countries in
the summer. That heat would make me seriously ill. It was a
And as an aside, I also wonder why our country thinks building a
military space force is good when climate change is our primary threat?
Dec 18, 2018
The Dance of the Angels
artist: Fra Angelico
We've undergoing a revolution in the development of parallel software.
I'm really impressed by the speed at which small multi-core computers
using recently developed parallel software can solve puzzles orders of
magnitude faster then they could just a couple of years ago. I'm pretty
certain that now no human being can beat a special purpose computer
designed to play chess. Chess master Gary Kasparov was beaten by a
computer called Deep Blue in 1997, 21 years ago.
I can just feel what's coming next ... what Ray Kurzweil called "The Age
of Intelligent Machines." I believe we humans as a society will lose at
playing the intelligence game against intelligent machines just like
grandmaster Kasparov lost to Deep Blue. Amazing?! What does this say
about the value of intelligence in the future?
We, as human beings, have a lot more to learn about our reason for
existence. We have a lesson to learn from our humanity embedded in the
psyche or mythology of the "deep past". The threat to humanity is not
the machines, but the human psyche in those people who are insensitive to
each other. Those people who drown out their own humanity because of
their innate lack of human empathy or compasion. It has all being written
before in the ancient scriptures in various cultures.
The lesson in this for me is that which comes from the ancient Archons
of western mythology. As cycles repeat, the Archons of the past, who will
appear again in the future, are those people, human beings, who manipulate
the machines of the future for their own ends. Archons are the future human
beings who lack empathy. The Archons in mythology were the fallen angels
cast out of paradise which was the Earth. I think, by studying the
"deep past" we can be optimistic about the future. But remember that
the tale of the Archons were meant to be taken as a lesson for us now.
Dec 14, 2018
uLisp 0.8b Maintenance
This release adds the syntactic extension facility, expand-syntax.
Aug 9, 2018
The Heart and Alternative Realities
Over a period of years, I tried to read everything Hermann Hesse and
Philip Dick published. I've read Hesse's "Narcissus and Goldmoud" and
Philip Dick's "Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep" at least twice.
The world created in these novels had me totally absorded when I read them.
Over many years, I've wondered why I could never understand Hesse's
"Magister Ludi", or Philip Dick's "Exegesis". It's said that these works,
written during the late careers of these authors, were a synopsis of their
I think Hesse, who was pure genius in producing Siddhartha, really
struggled to find an intellectual or rational basis for human ideals
in writing Magister Ludi. And Philip Dick's lengthy work, Exegesis,
was a monumental battle to explain and understand what he perceived
Over the years, I've wondered if I myself could find some
reasonable worldview which would be fullfiling, and hopefully
inspirational. For sure, what is inspirational is that these
authors kept trying to find an explanation to their life's study.
Their earlier works were brilliant artistic creations which for me
had a basis for closure. Their last works, however, were open ended.
Somehow, and I still don't understand clearly myself, is that their
later works feels closer to my heart. Is it because I like some
mystery to a great search .... a quest? It is because an absolute,
final answer would be against our instinct to hope? Or is it because
they accepted fully their humanity or human condition to try?
Dec 23, 2016
My View of Software Development
The software world is developing at an exponential rate. This comes with
an exponential increase in complexity. I've never had any formal training
in computer software except my self-study in Lisp. I started by working
on operating system software way back in the days when the DEC macro-11
was popular. This was before the C language was invented in the mid 1970's.
So when I started using the C language in 1979, I found I was able to
write software within a few hours of reading the "white" K&R
(Kernighan and Ritchie) C-book. C is in essence a simple language.
Now, I think it's really changed. I can't imagine writing useful programs
in Rust on the first day of learning it. And I've written some Ruby
programs before. I think it would take me a year to learn Rust to a
sufficient level to write useful programs. I think that's because Rust
does so much optimizations.
Lisp, unlike C, is a high-level language, and hence can take a while to
learn well too.
What's really interesting about my journey through using software languages
is how different people adapt to learning the language. For me, I use
software that I intuitively like. That's really subjective. And every
programmer has his or her views on a language which affects his efficiency
in using the language. How the syntax and structure of the computer
language sinks into the inner psyche of a programmer is essential in
how the programmer produces his software, or expresses his ideas through
the software language.
In a large programming effort requiring a team, the individual, expressive
programmer must conform to a standard set of production requirements which
includes his choice of a language. Most of the time this comes down to how
you can socialize with other programmers. However. if you don't like the
language, you're not going to do your best work ... your best work meaning
you spent every waking minute which is directed to your work thinking about
the problems in the software language. And this is why large programming
teams are so inefficient. They don't have the freedom to express themselves.
This is sort of analogous to all disciplines in general.
Nov 9, 2016
A New Day
I'm really proud of our country for the selection of our new president.
And we should also be grateful to the rebel, Julian Assange, who made
this selection possible. Julian Assange has been isolated in the Equadorian
Embassey in London for 4 years now. I hope he can be free soon
for he is a genuine patriot in the Thomas Jeffersonian sense who wrote
years ago, "Rebellion to tyrants is obedience to God."
Oct 23, 2016
A Clear and Present Danger
"But I do ask every publisher, every editor, and every newsman
in the nation to reexamine his own standards, and to recognize
the nature of our country's peril."
"In time of 'clear and present danger,' the courts have held that
even the priviledged rights of the First Amendment must yeild to the
public's need for national security. Today no war has been declared;
and however fierce the struggle may be, it may never be declared in
the traditional fashion. Our way of life is under attack. Those
who make themselves our enemy are advancing around the globe. The
survival of our friends is in danger. And yet no war has been
declared, no borders have been crossed by marching troops, no
missiles have been fired. If the press is awaiting a declaration
of war before it imposes the self-discipline of combat conditions,
then I can only say that no war ever posed a greater threat to our
"If you are awaiting a finding of 'clear and present danger,' then I
can only say that the danger has never been more clear and its
presence has never been more imminent."
--- excerpt from John F. Kennedy's "Secret Societies" speech
Oct 23, 2016
Trust and Freedom
Politics in America has distorted the current moral reality of its
citizens. Misdirected use of finanical power has greatly weaken
the economic and political state of our country. We are currently
headed for war with Russia because of the unstable state or condition
in our economy, and the immoral character of our top leaders
in the Whitehouse.
FBI directory Comey failed to uphold justice in prosecuting Hillary
Clinton's security violations. The consequence may lead to a moral
collapse of our intelligence agencies. I'm sure we're very proud
of the CIA. But I'm beginning to the see the day when we could possibly
equate the work of the CIA with what the KGB did in the 1950's.
Overt secrecy in government is weakness. As politically powerful as
the KGB was made to be in the 1950's, the Soviet Union collapsed 30 years
later. If we continue to fail in upholding justice, our government will
collapse within the next generation.
Our strength in any endeavor depends on trust. Now, it's critical that
all parts of our US state and federal agencies uphold justice to the
highest degree possible. This is done by all the individuals in these
agencies being as open and honest as they can be ... everyday, every minute.
The price of Freedom is not free.
Oct 14, 2016
Our Country is in Serious Trouble
It's hard to believe this news item appeared today.
Vice President Joe Biden told "Meet the Press" moderator Chuck Todd
on Friday that "we're sending a message" to Putin and that
"it will be at the time of our choosing, and under the circumstances
that will have the greatest impact." When asked if the American public
will know a message was sent, the vice president replied, "Hope not."
The statement above is in relation to a possible CIA cyber strike
against Russia in retaliation for "alleged" Russian interference in
the American presidential election.
It's heartbreaking to see how insane the politicians (and gravelling
underlings surrounding them) in the Whitehouse have become. What's
happening to the CIA! They should know better as the CIA have some of
the best firewall technology and experts in the universe. They should
defend justice in a way they are most able ... by, in this case, helping
to protect US computer systems. Not in an insanely offensive way
against a sovereign foreign country. It really saddens me to think the
CIA with its many good people would be called upon to do so much evil.
Is our country that weak? Wake up!
I've always turned away from commenting on politics, but now face this
haunting quote: "... first they came for my friends and I did not speak ..."
July 2, 2016
... (the spiritual teachers of the Upanishads) showed to their pupils that
the light of Knowledge was meant only to make "darkness visible". With
the awareness of "darkness made visible", through the processes of
knowledge, these pupils were inspired to undertake the adventurous
journey into the land of the Unknown where alone Wisdom can be discovered.
This journey has to be unaided, for no teacher can lead a pupil into
the realms of the Unknown. The journey to the Unknown is a flight of the
alone to the Alone.
by Rohit Mehta, Call of the Upanishads
Motilal Banarsidass Publishers, Delhi, 1970
I had a vivid dream recently where I was visiting a Tibetan monastary in
Nepal. These kinds of dreams for me have a really profound mystical feeling.
It usually involves viewing the landscape I'm visiting from the sky where
I'm flying. In this dream I felt extreme fear of the forest surrounding
the monastary. I had a real sense of my own pending death. Then a white
cloud embraced me, and gently dropped me back on my own bed.
I know the fear I felt in this dream is from my past experiences
travelling in strange places. When I travel alone I go to the extreme
in embracing the unknown. I don't plan anything. I just try to let
things happen on their own. But this kind of travelling invokes a lot of
fear in me. It's taken years for me to start thinking about another
In my next journey, I'd like to keep asking the question, "What kind of
consciousness or awareness is there outside of the brain?" This question
takes on different aspects depending on what kind of living life forms
on earth I include which have a functioning nervous system. I know I have to
try to find answers by including all life forms, but getting interpretations
from human beings. I know this sounds really strange, but that's the best
way I know how to put it. I'm at the edge of my limitations ... on a journey
in which I meet myself at the end.
But for now, like the past few months, I spend lots of my time doing
landscape gardening. The sunrise is my favorite time of day.
Jan 16, 2016
The Song of Our Lord
I spent much of last year trying to resolve a paradox. It is sort
of amusing how what I think is paradoxical traps me. Maybe some
alien being would strug, thinking what mis-directed energy
Actually, I guess this would not be paradoxical to a machine. Okay,
maybe now I can explain it.
Years ago, I would never have dreamt of encountering the struggle
with the concept of "non-dualism" I'm undergoing now. Spinoza smile
on me. I would have neatly compartmented away my uneasy sense of
the separateness of mechanistic forces and human psychic forces.
I think most "modern western thinkers" separate the physical and
spiritual. For some reason, it's not in my nature to do so.
Maybe it's my previous experience with eastern mysticism. Some
really intensive study on Hindu and Buddhist mysticism years ago
has deeply shaped my psyche. I still read the stuff of Hindu sages,
especially Swami Sivananda.
In the Hindu epic, the Bhagavad Gita (the Song of Our Lord), the
embodiment of love, Lord Krishna extolls the classical Vedic teachings
on the value of self-realization through love. The Gita is not
a "western" text reflecting linear thinking. The Gita are poems or
songs about living a practical life which is allegorical with much
symbolism and metaphors necessarily consistent only with respect to
the human psyche. Lord Krishna in the Bhagavad Gita is the god of
love. Like the Upanishads, the Gita usually places me in wonderment.
On these two texts each day I meditate.
I've always sense an enormous pull ... a mystical attraction to a
kind of spiritual reality prominant in far eastern lands, especially
in the Hindu kind of psyche.
The genius of human psyche, Karl Jung, wrote about the synchronous
relationship between causal events in dreams. Dreams are more
allegorical where the mind works overtime on symbolism. The
psyche is not the prisoner of logic and strict causality. As in
love, the psyche gets directly down to the business of really
defining the self. Karl Jung describes a case of "exaggerated
rationalism" or logic with respect to one of his patients
who couldn't continue treatment until she could get pass her
deductive thoughts. Jung basis his ideas about the fundamentals of
dreams on synchronicity, and writes about this in his encounter with
the golden scarab.
Swami Sivananda in the classical Vedic tradition says "Mind precedes
Matter, ...". I wonder if I'll ever get to that place Swami Sivananda
felt and knew as that is really a similar side of mechanistic non-duality.
A long time ago, a Shingon buddhist monk and I sat alone. He talked
about a universal love that does not differentiate human separateness.
I thought how is it possible for me to know this love. At that time,
I had no clue how this was possible. It was not something inside of me.
But nowadays, I think I sometimes sense it. You see, you cannot understand
this love with your mind. You can only feel it in your heart. It might
have come to me through years of simple experience. The scriptures say
you're more likely to find this blessing if you try to purify yourself
Following strict non-duality is too limiting ... too mechanical. It
constricts your growth. I know or understand, that on one level, the
world is purely mechanistic. But that's not the limit of my universe.
"I am the Self, dwelling in the heart of all beings." -- Lord Krishna,
The Bhagavad Gita